Eight young-dead. In the not too distant past, many adults viewed bullying as teasing. We can no longer afford to see this phenomenon as something as light as children’s games. The truth is that bullying can lead to death and young bullies become adult bullies if they are not stopped. Bullycide is when one or a group of people harass, intimidate, embarrass; Physically, mentally, or emotionally beating another to the point of driving that person to commit suicide. Last year, I remember Carl Walker, whose mother found him hanging from a ladder upstairs when she called him in for dinner. Carl had been mercilessly bullied at school for a long period. He was eleven years old. Over the past few weeks, the wave of youth suicides has forced us to take a closer look at bullying; in shock Celebrities like Ellen DeGeneres have started a series of campaigns. A multitude of commercials and demonstrations around this issue were covered all over television, tabloids and bloggers went wild: some outraged, others criticizing anyone who ‘takes out’ a person publicly over the internet because they may be gay . One statistic that needs to be put on the table in all schools is that approximately one-third of youth who commit suicide are or PERCEIVE themselves to be gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, or questionably GLBTQ. Suicide of any child should be closely scrutinized with our society taking responsibility for safeguarding our children and doing more than a quick flash or lend ourselves to the ‘Big Bang Theory’. A study by Marr and Field (2001) states that there may be up to 80 annual noises and thousands of other tormented ones that remain silent.
First of all, we need to understand that there is a difference between teasing and bullying. They are: intent to harm, intensity of duration, power of the harasser, vulnerability of the victim, lack of support, and severity of consequences for the victim. Teasing is usually done innocently, often by a friend, relative, or classmate with no intention of long-term harm to the person being teased. Power is key. One of the main components of bullying is the need for power. The bully looks for a person whom he can dominate physically, emotionally or verbally. Observing the interaction, an obvious note of humor, positive rapport, and ability to ‘handle’ the situation or person should be obvious if it is a joke. Harm, no matter what form of bullying is used, is INTENTIONAL. Although no one knows when a stalker’s actions will lead to results as severe as suicide, other effects are extremely damaging and cause long-term harmful effects as well. Some of them are: antisocial behavior, depression, loneliness, anxiety and suicidal thoughts. For every child who commits bullying, there are dozens who try it and many others who consider it. For a child to be bullied, there are usually predisposed behaviors that make them a likely target. Each of these should be considered for PREVENTION by parents, teachers, and others who are part of a child’s support system. For a child to be bullied, there are often predisposed behaviors that make them a likely target. Victims of bullying are more likely to have low self-esteem, tend to be lonely, insecure, lack social skills, and have an inability to stand up for themselves. Parents must begin to guide and develop a sense of social and personal connection at a very young age. It is of the utmost importance to continue positive activities to create a sense of safety and ongoing communication, even as the child enters middle and high school. Clear rules including no name-calling should be implemented in classrooms and at home and constantly reinforced.
INTERVENTION has several levels. Parents, friends, and school systems play an integral role in intervening on behalf of the person being harassed; however, the first line of defense is the victim. The first time a student is harassed, either physically or verbally, the person being harassed must show a strong signal that he or she is not the one to be harassed. If this is not done initially and he has become the target, fighting back can cause serious retaliation from the bully. Bullying forms a triangle; the bully, the victim and the bystanders. Spectators are a powerful group. Bystanders can be one observer or up to 30 in a class or more on a school bus. Viewers, whether they are friends or unfamiliar observers, have more power than they often realize. The best intervention is for other youth to verbalize their discomfort and that they want the bullying to stop. For every person who expresses that they want the victim to be left alone or some kind of upset, the time spent bullying the victim is reduced by five minutes. School systems and individual schools have a responsibility to protect our youth by providing a safe learning environment. Bullying policies are in effect in the Miami-Dade and Broward County school systems. They include a multi-tiered approach with inclusions of timelines for reporting, contacting parents, and consequences for the bully. Additionally, states have begun enacting anti-bullying laws to address this problem and put pressure on school systems. However, committees, rules and laws only work if we all realize the seriousness and implications of bullying. It becomes the responsibility of every adult to safeguard our children so that their world is never reduced to such an extent that they have to consider suicide.
