Listen… don’t marry the transition person!
This article is more of a question than most of my articles. I wonder when people will catch on and figure out that you don’t marry your transition person. For the few who don’t know what the phrase “person in transition” means, let me explain. After any serious relationship ends, everyone is left a bit of a mess. Kind of like wandering aimlessly. It doesn’t matter who made the decision to end the relationship. Seriously! Think about the last serious relationship you were in that ended. No matter what the situation, you are left questioning everything you thought you knew you wanted. For example… if the other person was absolutely perfect, you’re left wondering what’s wrong with you that you can’t be happy and make it work. If the other person was totally mean and even psychotic, then you’re not sure why you broke up with them in the first place, but you know your next relationship will be with someone completely different, so all you’re looking for are opposite personality qualities. what did you have. you just experienced. If the person was a bit boring, you look for excitement. If he was a party animal, then look for someone who is a bit more of a homebody. You don’t even realize you’re doing it, but you feel like everything you were looking for before obviously didn’t work, so you need to look for the opposite and stick with it because you’re determined that this time you will. . This “next time” is the transition person.
Do you think I’m kidding about this? I can give you very personal and very specific examples. My first boyfriend was the first in my life to prove this theory true. We were together for 6 years. Everybody pushed us like crazy to get married or split up. Even we felt that we had been together for so long that we had to make a decision. He made a choice. He cheated on me. With someone 16 years older than him. That he had already been married twice. Now, as you can imagine, everyone in his life told him he was crazy to be with this person and then when he said he was going to marry her, everyone flipped. After all, she was his transition person. Instead of admitting that he was wrong, he went full steam ahead. They were married for about a year and she spent every penny she had. What is the lesson here? Don’t marry the transition person.
Example number two: Another ex-boyfriend. We were together for a year when he decided he didn’t want a relationship anymore. We both handled the breakup very, very poorly. I freely admit it. However, 2 months later I get texts from him telling me he had a new girlfriend (like I said we both handled the break up really really bad, I got texts from me too) and 2 months after that another text to tell me that She was pregnant and they were getting married. Did I mention that she is about 10 years younger than him? He was heartbroken and angry. It was a gigantic slap in the face. However, fast forward a few years. They’re still married, it’s just that he’s done things like taking me on weekend trips. I choose to believe he meant it when he said he was looking for nothing more than to hang out with a friend. Seriously, we’ve known each other since we were 8, but just for the record, I didn’t go for a variety of reasons. I’m not interested in being in the middle of other people’s drama was the main reason. However, as I said, he and I had been childhood friends, so I talked to him. Turns out they’ve been fighting non-stop for a few years and he’s miserable. He just wanted “someone he could trust and have fun without fighting for a day.” The universe takes care of itself. She found out, she came after me calling me all sorts of names no matter how many times I pointed out to both of them that I don’t want to get involved in their marriage drama and I don’t want him back and in the process she lied to him, broke into his accounts email address and sent emails like him. Healthy relationship there. I heard things like this have been going on for a long time and basically everyone around him tried to stop him from marrying her and tried to open his eyes to how horrible his marriage and subsequently the rest of his life is going to be but just you won’t see it. This is the most “no drama”, laid back, fun loving and free spirited person I have ever met. He’s pretty closeted now because of what he told me, he doesn’t see his circle of friends as much as he used to, and he lives in a house where there are constant arguments and absolutely no trust. What is the lesson here? Don’t marry the transition person.
I’m not saying that the transition person theory is a bad thing. We all need one. It helps you come back to yourself. Get your head out of the fog and put perspective back on things. It helps you remember what you want and don’t want in a relationship, and generally believe that another relationship is possible. Just be careful because we all tend not to see the person in transition for who they really are. We tend to see only the qualities that are opposite to the qualities of our ex. This can be dangerous. What you’re supposed to do is date the transitioning person, put your mind and heart back together, and then one day realize that you and the transitioning person just aren’t compatible forever and end it. Then you are ready for the next great relationship. If you think I’m kidding. Take a look at this Newlywed Hires Hit Man article and as you read it, keep in mind that he married his wife just days after the divorce was final. The lesson here? Don’t marry the transition person.