We are living in a different time. Who could have predicted that we would have a global pandemic that would unfortunately result in the loss of many lives, the loss of jobs, and the mandate to stay home? Also, having to wear a mask. But that is our new reality. As the world opens up, what will be the new normal? Many people are telecommuting and many companies are doing everything virtually. It makes you think of life before Corona. Before the Corona era, many people said that they did not have time to go out. They didn’t have time to do the things they wanted to do. Time was one of the problems. Now that we’ve stayed home, many people have the time they said they didn’t have. While this is a difficult time for everyone, it can be used for self-reflection. I lost my aunt who was only 40 years old just before her birthday in February. She was more like my sister when we grew up together. She used to call me her protégé. Suffering a loss and being aggrieved at a time like this is quite devastating and hard. However, I have asked my aunt for strength and have chosen to use the pain for a greater purpose and honor her by not giving up on my goals and dreams. So it’s a day-to-day process. Grief is a process.
As I thought about our new reality and my fellow Queens, I wondered how many of us are using this time to do some of the things we put on the back burner. Those things could be as simple as painting, drawing, gardening, adult coloring. I am aware that this is a difficult time for all of us. However, how are you going to get out of it? What will be different? I’ve heard some people say that it’s okay to do absolutely nothing. I agree with that to the extent that you should definitely have your time to yourself. Surely you must be compassionate with yourself at times like these. This is hard for everyone. However, I do not agree with someone doing absolutely nothing every day during these times for the next year or possibly even two years as the world tries to move forward. That’s not what I would tell my ladies. That inaction or inactivity is what can lead to unhealthy thinking and/or depression. Also, nothing can change in your life by doing absolutely nothing. I’ve had days where I wasn’t as motivated and just chilled on the couch. Yes, I am also human like you. But I also know that my dreams and goals need me. Faith without works is dead. So regardless of what’s going on, I’m going to have to recover.
Even before COVID-19, women always put their needs at the bottom of the list. Women have always done a lot for others before thinking of themselves. This is how society has conditioned women to be; Givers, caregivers, caregivers with the mindset that they all come before you. That last part is not true. Everyone does NOT come before you. No wonder so many women feel dissatisfied, unhappy, in the wrong relationships, settling down, etc. So now that we’ve been forced to stay home, this has opened up a lot of ‘time’ for some of us, truth be told. We can choose to do the same thing and still get the same results, or we can to choose to do something different. What will be your post Corona story? I suggest you use this time to get back to you ladies. Prioritize your needs and wants during this time. Put yourself first. Take the first step. Your goals matter, your dreams matter, your happiness matters, YOU matter. This world would not be the same without women. Therefore, the world would not be the same without YOU. As you take the time to reflect on your life before Corona and where you want to be after Corona (which may be a year or two from now), here are some things to think about:
Clarity. You know what you want? Hopefully, you have or will take some of this downtime to reflect on your true desires. I even suggest you write it down. Only 5% of society have their goals written on paper and those 5% earn more than the other 95% combined. Are you happy in your life? If not, what is happiness like for you? What are your professional goals? Do you have the relationship you have imagined? Whatever you want, you deserve it. Not what someone else has told you you should want, but what YOU really want. It’s hard for God or your higher power (whatever you call that source) to help you if you’re unclear about what you want and wandering through life aimlessly. Think of a GPS system. You have to write an address to take you to your destination. You have to know where you want to go, so be clear about what you want.
Apologies. We all apologize. I have done them too. This is not about perfection. However, at some point, you just have to be honest and real with yourself. In the book 6 Months to 6 Figures by Peter Voogd, he states that “one of the most important ways to build your self-esteem is to do what you say you are going to do. confidence decreases. How bad do you want to change? I have heard people say they are busy. “I’m so busy.” Good. Well, what are the tangible results of all that hustle and bustle? If you are busy all day watching soap operas or playing video games when you say you want to start your business, for example, that is not the same as being productive. Saying you’re busy sounds good, it might make you feel good to say it, but in reality, when in reality you are not accomplishing anything and have nothing to show for it, ‘being busy’ is just an excuse. You can have excuses or you can have results.
Association Law. Who do you spend more time with? Something a mentor told me years ago was that people like people who are like themselves. It’s like that saying ‘birds of the same plumage fly together’. Bad girls hang out with other bad girls. Who you hang out with has an effect on you. If you have a victim mentality and you don’t take responsibility for anything, then you’re not going to be aligned with someone who does, who has a victor mentality. Are the people around you bringing you up or down or causing you to get stuck? Just because they’re your friends from high school doesn’t mean they’re right for you at this stage in your life. Think about whether or not your values and goals align with each other. Sometimes you outdo your friends and friends and that’s okay. You shouldn’t feel guilty. Some people don’t want you to move on. Misery loves company. In the words of Dan Peña… show me your friends and I’ll show you your future. It’s that easy.
Character. Who you are will follow you wherever you go. You are the common denominator. Unfortunately, society has made women think that they have to compete with other women. If it’s in you to always be jealous and envious of other women, that will show up wherever you go because it’s part of who you are. If it’s in you to be manipulative and petty, it will follow you wherever you go. You can’t hide who you really are, but for so long. You are who you choose to be. We are all perfectly imperfect beautiful creations of God. However, we all have problems. We all have things we can improve too. I think there is something bigger than us that knows the truth. And the truth of who you are. You know what they say… the truth will come out. Think about who you say you are and what your actions really reveal. Are they congruent? Character goes a long way.
