For quite some time now, we have heard many public figures, such as Rush Limbaugh and comedian Bill Maher, express their contempt for politically correct people. Maher even gave his show the hilarious title “Politically Incorrect.” Terms like “the PC police” were used to make fun of people who were perhaps a bit strident in defending the rights of small groups of people. Hip-hop’s “gangsta” culture has been anything but PC.
Now, I see many fundamentalists using that term and others to mock those who are considerate and careful not to offend people of other religions.
For me, political correctness is simply a way of being considerate and I am proud to be supportive. Courtesy and sensitivity are not held in high regard in the media these days. Many media spokespeople, stars and commentators, “gangsta” rappers, obnoxious radio talk show stars, and “edgy” comedians, as well as personalities such as judges on reality talent shows and certain game show hosts They achieve success by putting people down and making fun of them. Janet Jackson may not have been courteous or judicious in her Super Bowl exposition, but neither are the athletes, the fans, or the commercials, which is why it all seemed the same to me, and it’s one of the reasons I don’t enjoy watching sports on television.
However, recently I’ve noticed that people who have always been kind and personable, like game show host Regis Philbin and talk show hosts Ellen Degeneres and Jay Leno, seem to be rising to the top. Could it be, after all, that being polite might win out over being “in your face” and “nervous”?
There is no explanation for media taste, it seems to sink to the lowest common denominator at least as often as it rises above average. But, in your personal life, courtesy, consideration and affection will always be more successful than any other way of treating others.
Courtesy and consideration are powerful. We all want to be liked, to be taken care of and to be treated with delicacy. We are human, so we don’t always manage to behave our best. But, the more kindness and consideration we send, the more returns we receive.
Etiquette rules exist because to create civilization, we need limits. Polite behavior rules can sometimes seem restrictive, but when people use them, they make new and uncomfortable situations more comfortable. Etiquette is just a prescribed way of being courteous and considerate of others. As we get to know each other better, we can relax the rules, but maintaining attitudes of consideration and respect guarantees a more successful connection.
Guidelines to be better understood.
1. Seek first to understand. If you know the other person’s frame of reference, you can talk to them within it.
2. Pay attention to how your words land. If your partner’s response sounds like what you said, look at what you’re hearing…
3. Move from problem to solution as quickly as possible. Focus on the problem just long enough to understand it, then turn your attention to finding a solution that works for everyone, rather than who is right or who is wrong.
4. Separate the emotion from the solution. If one or both of you are upset, irrational, or reactive, you are not communicating. Take a break and try again in a few minutes, when you’ve both calmed down.
5. Don’t hit dead horses. If you have been on the same ground several times without moving forward, seek help. An objective third party can do wonders.
6. Be nice. Strive to create an atmosphere of cooperation and be considerate of the other person’s feelings.
7. Remember, “what goes around comes around” and consider how you would like to be treated before reacting to another person.
