A ventriloquist named Jim walks into a restaurant with his dummy and sits at the counter. Jim holds “Charlie” who looks like Charlie Chaplin. Jim wears a mask and pulls out a menu. The bartender sees Jim holding Charlie and goes outside and looks at the doll.
“I’m sorry, but your doll needs to wear a mask.”
“Why not.”
“Sorry, but we are a ‘masks only’ restaurant.”
“But he’s a fool,” Jim says emphatically.
Jim puts his hand behind Charlie’s back where he can operate on Charlie’s mouth and head. He makes Charlie “talk” in the tone of a small child. “Now. Look here. My name is Charlie and I’m a jerk! Now get me a beer!”
The server returns to the manager and tells him that there is a “chump” at the bar who won’t wear a mask.
The manager replies, “Ha! They’re everywhere. You know what to do. Go back and tell the ‘chump’ to put on a mask or kick him and the ventriloquist out.”
The bartender comes out and tells Jim that his friend can go without a mask.
“No problem then,” Jim says looking at Charlie.
Jim still has Charlie on his back when the bartender tells him the manager’s verdict. Charlie says, “That’s better. Now get me a beer!”
Jim releases his hand behind Charlie’s back and sits him on his lap. Then Jim says to Charlie, “I have to go to the bathroom.”
Charlie says, “Okay, sure.”
Jim sets Charlie down on his stool. Some patrons who were watching the “act” until Charlie begins to nod by himself and says, “What is everyone looking at? Haven’t you seen a doll before?”
The customers’ eyebrows rise as they walk by, and their mouths open as wide as if they are yawning. The bar was silent. They all look at Charlie and examine his face.
The bartender comes out and sees the strange reactions of his customers. “Heh heh! They look scared. That’s Charlie. I know him. He can talk to himself. He doesn’t need a ventriloquist. Ha ha! I bet Charlie even has his own Social Security number.”
Charlie yells, “Yes I do! I want my beer now.”
Jim comes out of the bathroom and sees Charlie talking to himself. Jim tells Charlie to stop and that they have to go. Charlie protests, “No! I’m not done breathing on people to spread my COVID virus! Ha…ha…ha!”
Moral of the story: “Don’t be silly. Wear a mask.”
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