When is the right time to start dating again? Only you can answer that. Your separation from your partner may have been traumatic. You and your children need time to recover from that. Getting their lives back on track and re-establishing a routine is essential. You can’t wait to start a new relationship until you and your children have come to terms with what happened and are ready to move on.
How do I find a new partner? I have no money, no free time, nowhere to go, and no single friends. I’d love to have a pound, a dollar or a euro for every time this has been thrown at me in the last 21 years. There are too many “no’s” in that question. It’s easy to think of the reasons why you can’t do something. Let’s try to turn this around.
Penniless? You don’t need lots of money to go out on a date. That old cliché – the best things in life are (almost) free – still holds true. What’s wrong with a walk in the park? A pint in a pub? A coffee in a cafeteria? The most important thing about a first date is the time to talk and get to know each other in a relaxed atmosphere.
No free time? You have to make time, the same way you do everything else. If you spend 4 hours a week cleaning your house, forget about it for a week (no one will notice except you).
With nowhere to go and no single friends? The obvious place most people think of going to meet members of the opposite sex is nightclubs and pubs. Great for an occasional night out to let your hair down, but it has to look like that. People will often be worse off from wear and tear and won’t be in the right frame of mind to think about anything other than just having fun. You also have no guarantee that the people you meet are single, and it’s hard to go to these places on your own anyway.
Taking up a new sport, joining a gym, getting involved in some kind of community project, joining a social club, or learning a new skill at night classes are all ways to meet new people. Going back to work (if you have been at home) can also expand your circle of friends. In this kind of environment, where you are likely to get to know a little of the people you mix with, you will soon discover singles. It also doesn’t hurt to make new same-sex friends who are in a similar situation as you. You can never have too many friends and through their connections you can meet other singles for friendship or dating. Introducing agencies and online dating are of course more direct ways to find a new partner and are used by tens of thousands of people around the world. The stigma has long since disappeared.
Choose your dates well. Whichever path you choose, choose your dating partners carefully. You cannot assume that just because a person has children of their own, they are necessarily willing to become involved with someone else who does. Similarly, you shouldn’t write off someone who doesn’t have children. This could be a source of great regret for them, or maybe they still have hope! What they lack in experience, they can make up for in enthusiasm.
Do not assume that it would be better to find a couple who have children of a similar age. Many families have children that span a wide age range and coexist quite happily. If your partner has children in a completely different age group, this could work in your favor as it can stop or reduce the rivalry. Older children will often grow closer to much younger children and feel protective of them. Similarly, younger children will look up to older children and not feel like they have to compete with them.
Stay positive! Dating someone later in life is really no different than dating when you were younger. Do you remember disappointments and setbacks? How many times have you really liked someone and it was not reciprocated, and vice versa? Don’t fool yourself into thinking it won’t happen again, possibly many times until the right person shows up. You just have to stay positive and don’t give up as the next person you meet might be the right one!
