My July article, “Praying for Deflation,” was based on a news report that a church group had gathered near gas stations to pray for cheaper gasoline. They had prayed in May 2008; for a few weeks they had been unsuccessful and I had ridiculed their efforts. However, his prayers were finally answered, the price of gasoline began to fall and has halved from its peak. So they were right and I, the disbeliever, was wrong. In all humility, I apologize to this group.
Speaking of humility, I affirm that I am an exceptionally humble person. In fact, now that I think about it, there have been very few people as humble as me. If there was a Nobel Prize for humility, I would win it hands down. Yes sir, when it comes to humility, I am the greatest. However, I’m sure you don’t want to hear me flaunt my humility, so let me get back to the topic of invoking deflation. The sentence and its answer must be understood scientifically. There are some notable points here.
On the one hand, there was a delay of about 50 days between the prayers and the answer. Now we can be reasonably sure that the Supreme is not going on vacation (although it sometimes seems so). We can also safely assume that He does not procrastinate or allow His basket to fill up. So we can safely attribute the 50-day delay to transmission time. Let’s see, sound travels at seven hundred and sixty-five miles per hour, or 18,400 miles per day. In 50 days, sound would travel about 920,000 miles, so we know that God is almost a million miles from earth. From time to time we hear reports of UFO sightings. Obviously, these are not aliens, but the Supreme himself, reaching out for a closer look. At his age, thousands if not millions of years, it is understandable that his distance vision has deteriorated a bit.
The second point is that there has been a lack of communication. While the intent was to pray only for deflation in gasoline prices, some of the faithful may have gone a little overboard and asked for all to become cheaper. I’m sure they intended to include only food and necessities, but they may not have communicated that clearly. This has caused a terrible misunderstanding with the result that not just gasoline but ALL assets, from homes to stocks and bonds to precious metals, have suffered deflation. This has resulted in bank failures, millions of job losses, and a looming depression. It is time for this congregation to come together, this time on Wall Street and not at a gas station, and pray again. However, this time they need to be very specific and call for deflation in gasoline and commodity prices while praying for inflation or at least asset appreciation. I’m sure thousands of Wall Street workers could join them. Their employers may give them a few minutes out of their daily schedule to attend these meetings. This would be a good investment and you could lock in your bonds next year.
This raises another question. Some of the staff may be atheists and refuse to join in the prayers. Would his refusal be protected by the First Amendment or would it be considered insubordination and therefore subject to disciplinary action? Also, if the financial picture improves and companies become profitable, will these employees be eligible for the resulting bonuses?
In any case, it has become clear that prayer is a very powerful activity. Like all powerful activity, it must be done with great care; otherwise, the results can be extremely detrimental. We would also be running the risk of irritating the Supreme Court by alternately praying for deflation and then for inflation because:
Man is nothing but a deadly fool
When it’s hot, you want it cool
When it’s cold, you want it hot
Always wanting what is not.
However, the rapidly deteriorating economy demands swift action, especially since we know there is a 50-day delay for results. So, at the risk of riling him up, let’s save the economy by coming together and praying for inflation this time. We have placed our faith in Paul’s son (Treasury Secretary Paulson), and we have yet to see tangible results; let us now appeal to the son of Joseph.
