Many women who are victims of marital infidelity find that one of the most difficult things to deal with is the recurring mental images of their spouse and lover. It can often look like a horror movie. In this article, we’ll look at the steps that will get you through an affair and the mental images that may be haunting you.
Many women who suffer from this have not even seen or have any idea what the other woman is like, but the mental images of the affair still prevail. Images of what she and her husband were doing together, often with no knowledge or details of what actually happened. It’s common that despite her best efforts, they just seem unable to turn them off. Based on the fact that you’re reading this, maybe you can identify yourself.
If in fact this is happening to you and you simply feel that perhaps you have “lost your mind”, take solace in the fact that you are not going crazy. As human beings, we often run “slideshows” or movies in our minds. We do this for all kinds of reasons; remember past events, anticipate what may happen in the future, and make sense of the reality we are dealing with in the present moment. However, just because this is normal doesn’t necessarily mean it’s healthy.
The problem with mental images after the discovery of an affair is that you emotionally respond to them as if they were real. Every time these images flash through your mind, it’s like you’re reliving the pain and trauma you experienced when you first found out about the affair.
This makes it more difficult to heal from the pain and rebuild your marriage.
So let’s turn our attention to what you need to do to get rid of them. First, there are a few realizations you should come to terms with:
· The images are not real. Even if she was unlucky enough to catch them in the act, the mental images she’s experiencing now are still in his head. They are not real.
· Your mind is your territory and no one can control what enters. Only you can do that and you are in fact in charge of it.
Of course, these points may seem like obvious statements, but in order to address the mental images you are experiencing from the adventure, it is important to acknowledge these facts first.
Before I show you the steps to stop these images, I have to ask you what may seem like a silly question… are you sure you want them to stop?
This question may seem strange to you, but in many cases a woman who has been cheated on will cling to these images as a justification for feeling the pain caused by the affair. That by holding on to them and repeatedly checking them, she is entitled to feel the way they do. You have to ask yourself if you fall into that category. If you feel like you can, you have to figure this out before moving forward.
Once you feel like you’re ready to get over an affair and stop the mental images, here’s what to do next (you’ll want to find a quiet place to do it):
1. Calm your mind
Close your eyes and take a few slow, deep breaths. Allow your mind to relax and relax. Feel the tension leaving your body with each exhalation. Feel your body begin to completely relax. Later, I will share with you a resource that includes some breathing techniques that will help you in this step.
2. Bring the image to mind
When you are ready, bring a mental image of the issue you have been struggling with in mind. Imagine it in as much detail as you can. Take some time to see the vision in its entirety. It can be painful to do this, but facing this pain is the first step to freeing yourself from it and ultimately getting rid of it for good.
3. Change or alter the image
Once you have the image in your mind in great detail, try to manipulate it. Imagine it as being on a DVD and see if you can play the image upside down. Ask yourself if doing this simple mental exercise helped you feel better. If so, do it several more times. Even imagine it going backwards faster until it becomes a bit of a blur.
Take a break from your exercise and open your eyes. Evaluate the effects this rewinding exercise had on you emotionally.
Next, try manipulating the size and shape of the objects in your mental images of the subject. In your image, you may see a lamp on a nightstand, or a dresser. Pick an item and mentally zoom in or out. It changes its shape. You can even change its color if you wish. See what change it makes to the object that makes you feel better.
Repeat this process with any sound that may be present in your image. If there is music, turn it off. If you listen to people talk, maybe you can turn their voices into cartoon characters. You can even decide to view your images from a different camera angle or perspective.
When you first read this, it might sound a bit silly to you. But what this exercise does is accomplish two very important things for you.
First, it gives you tangible evidence that these images are taking place in your brain and are not real. That you actually control them.
Second, exercise lessens the emotional impact of the images. By changing the image, you develop new ways of thinking that are potentially less painful than the ones you’ve been experiencing, and might even give you a new resource for coping.
