Many wives are very surprised when they find themselves separated or living alone. While many knew that their marriage was struggling, many did not realize that her husband was looking for an alternative place to live. Most of the time, she didn’t even tell them that she was considering it, let alone that she was actively looking for it.
So wives in this situation often feel shocked, frustrated, and scared. Someone might say, “I can’t claim that I had no idea that one day I might separate. But I thought I had time. I thought, God forbid, if my husband wanted to leave, he would at least let me know before he did. I never saw him looking in the paper for an apartment. He never told me I was going to have to do everything by myself. I came home from work one day to find the closet pretty nice. lot empty. I texted him and he replied that he was He had moved and he doesn’t understand why I’m so surprised. Well, I guess it goes without saying that I’m surprised that he acted without having any kind of discussion. “I don’t think it’s unfair to expect to be consulted. And I don’t know where I’ll go from here. I have no idea if he signed a lease or what I should expect from him. Is this common? Husbands just move in with no talk?”
Some do. I wouldn’t call it common. But it’s certainly not entirely uncommon. Below I will discuss some possible reasons why her husband may not have consulted with you about this, and where she might consider going from here.
He may not have wanted you to get angry or try to talk him out of it.: Most of the time, when a husband leaves without arguing, he does so because his intention was to avoid an argument. He maybe he was afraid of the debate or he didn’t want you to try to talk him out of it. He perhaps wanted to make a dramatic statement and was afraid that it would lose its impact if it was discussed beforehand. Whatever the reason, you probably can’t change his decision now, which brings me to my next point.
where to go from here: Unless your husband hasn’t signed a lease or made a commitment, there’s not much you can do to get him back home without breaking the lease or suffering a financial loss. These two things can make her cling to her new place, even if she finally realizes that she acted too quickly.
The point I’m trying to make is that sometimes it becomes obvious that there’s no immediate way back from this. If this is the case, there’s no point in wasting time trying to get him to change his mind. If he can’t or won’t change this decision, then you have to live with what is.
If it becomes clear that your life elsewhere isn’t going to change right away, then the next goal is probably to set the tone for the future. Yes, this may mean that you’re not living together right now, but it doesn’t have to mean that you don’t talk, see each other, or reconnect. Don’t let your anger and shock sabotage what could happen tomorrow.
If you want him and your marriage back, the real goal should be to re-establish regular communication that you can build on. I know this is a scary and frustrating time. But sometimes living apart can have some benefit. You pause on issues, give people perspective, and allow your spouse’s absence to contribute to missing them.
All these things can work in your favor. It is very easy to be angry and scared, but giving in to these feelings is rarely beneficial. Having been through this myself and coming out okay, the best advice I can give you is not to spend too much time dwelling on the fact that he moved on. This will only frustrate both of you and drive him away. Understand when he’s set sail on that ship, and then focus on what’s next. That is, forge a regular communication program so that they do not separate.
I know it sucks that I didn’t discuss this with you. But thinking about it isn’t likely to change you or do you any good right now. You better put your energy where it can make a difference. And to focus on tomorrow and not on yesterday.
