Is anger consuming you at the way the medical community treated your loved one? Or are you angry at those who should have helped you in the last days of your loved one’s life, but were nowhere to be found? How can you reduce the intensity of your anger and then let it go? There are many possibilities that have worked for others, and may work for you.
Mourners may be angry at the funeral director, friends or neighbors, clergy, the deceased, and even themselves. Sometimes anger is totally justified. It is often part of a complex web of previous life experiences. In any case, it can be treated.
Face your anger because, whether fully acknowledged, or camouflaged in sarcasm, intolerance, jealousy, withdrawal, or fear, it takes a severe physical and emotional toll on the body. Here are several approaches to consider.
1. Don’t bottle up your anger. Tell someone you trust. Choosing to keep it inside is not only physically damaging, but finding a suitable way to gradually release its energy is a primary goal. Talking about it is a start. Suppression can do nothing but develop your inner rage.
2. Remember that anger is a normal human response. You are not unusual and should not feel like you are a bad person in any way if you are angry. So don’t underestimate yourself.
3. Don’t feed your anger. There is one surefire way to keep your anger burning and taking its deadly toll: keep replaying it over and over again in your mind, and keep repeating the worst cause to yourself. Change your angry self-talk by replacing it with an image where you feel connected and loved.
4. Feel gently. Ask yourself why you cling to him so tightly. If you let go, is there anything you will lose or have to give up? Are you using anger as a way to cover up fear? Is it directed or is it due to the excessive dependence you had on the deceased, and that is why you find it difficult to talk about it? Do you feel abandoned or abandoned?
5. Discover the real cause of your anger. This is especially important because you can often find a reason to forgive. For example, noticing human weakness and reasoning about why certain things were said or done can be helpful. He could be angry at his own lack of control over the situation and/or his dependency. And, it can mean forgiving yourself. Also, there could be more than one cause and you need to address each one.
6. Talk to your Higher Power about how you feel. In your belief system, you can be sure that your Higher Power can fully understand you and your faith can lead you to do the right thing to ease your feelings. Meditate on whether you have any responsibility for the cause of your anger. Ask yourself “What needs to be restored or protected for me to let go.” Then listen.
7. Create the intention to resolve your anger. Some appropriate form of expression will be helpful. One universal way is exercise, which can positively affect your immune system. Choose a way you like with the intention of reducing the intensity of feelings. Say to yourself, “Release, I want to slowly release these feelings so I don’t pay a heavy physical and emotional price.” Look at your anger as a form of energy to use in building something good. It can also be useful to write about it and then burn it, throw it away or release it in some symbolic way.
8. Make forgiveness a goal. The wisdom of almost any tradition you study says this about anger: In the final analysis, the person who is angry always suffers more than the object of the anger. Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself when you free yourself from a self-made prison. It takes courage and more than saying “I forgive,” because it takes much longer for that statement to ring true in your heart.
In short, keep the focus on self-care and what letting go of anger will do for you and those you associate with. Passing by is a choice. Do your best not to see yourself as a victim, which will further hurt and isolate you. You can deal with your anger by finding the right person to be with you. Do not hesitate to find a professional to help you solve it.
