Being a quiet kid who enjoys playing alone in his room and reading in the library for hours only carries a lot of stigmatism. Parents, teachers, and friends start to worry about you; Are you being bullied? She is worried? Are you being abused?
The answer to all of the above is no.
I just enjoyed my time alone and never had much to say. Instead, as a child, I made a habit of keeping my thoughts to myself. I still don’t know why or how, but as a twenty-six-year-old woman, I still deeply believe that it is best not to say a few thoughts. Some say it’s called “suppressing things,” but I have deluded myself into believing that it is a survival mechanism, a way of not causing any problems.
I am completely wrong about this because in reality it is me just suppressing things. Of course I am living in total denial, but I don’t know how to change my ways.
Over the years, I became an expert at absorbing things; the body language of a potential boss in a job interview, the scowl of a colleague, the tone of voice of a parent, the smile of a stranger. I dissect and analyze everything and then react. My boss is not satisfied with my work? Is my partner upset about something I did? Is the woman in the corner laughing at me?
I obsess and worry, and I always end up wondering this: did I do something wrong? In other words, I am a very sensitive person.
The good news is that I am not alone in this. The first research on highly sensitive people was carried out in 1990, but Dr. Elaine Aron, who, over the years, wrote many books on the subject and developed a self-assessment to help determine if a person enters the category or not.
But in general, highly sensitive people have these traits:
1. We feel too much and too deeply.
Sometimes we can even become obsessed with something or too. However, we are intuitive and we trust our instincts a lot; If something feels wrong, we won’t stop thinking about it until the feeling goes away.
2. We are very excited.
It’s not just about crying over spilled milk, but having more empathy for a friend’s problems and being more concerned about them. We are basically sponges around people; If someone is having a bad day, we also can’t help but feel guilty and really upset about them. (And yes, we generally tend to cry more easily than others.)
3. Our decisions are difficult to make.
As we are more aware of the details, we take a little longer than usual to make decisions. We tend to weigh all the options and all the possible outcomes. And if we end up making a bad decision (which is inevitable), we develop a deep sense of guilt, regret, and remorse. This also happens when, inadvertently, we upset a loved one.
4. We prefer to exercise alone.
In a recent study, Dr. Ted Zeff, author of The Highly Sensitive Person’s Survival Guide, interviewed a large group of people and found that highly sensitive people preferred solo sports, such as running and cycling, and wandered away. of group classes. But he also added that this is not set in stone; People who may have had parents who provided a supportive and understanding environment find it easier to engage in group sports.
5. We are very detail oriented.
We notice everything in a room, from the pile of old newspapers in the corner to the stain on the carpet. We are also very attentive to someone else’s body language, tone of voice, and facial expressions.
6. We don’t like noisy things.
Personally, I hate loud noises. The sound of someone chewing their food or the sound of fluorescent lights humming overwhelm me; I feel sweat rising to my pores and my heart beating faster in my chest. Sometimes I even get a headache from such overwhelming noises.
7. We react very deeply to criticism.
And then we blame ourselves for everything that is wrong in the world. Basically, we want to please everyone and be at our best all the time, which is almost impossible. We overanalyze criticism and end up regretting not trying something else instead.
I don’t appreciate labels, but after crossing out 16 out of 18 habits on the comprehensive self-assessment, I cannot deny that I am a hypersensitive person and I think I always have been. It is not a walk in the park and can be very lonely at times. How can I express my thoughts when deep down I know they are irrational and exaggerated? How can I explain to someone that some feelings are felt in every inch of my body, that sometimes it feels like a continuous stream of hot and cold water is pouring down your head?
Maybe if I stopped living inside my head for a while, then I would learn to accept the way I am. Are you a very sensitive person? And how do you manage?
