Whether you’re a corporate executive trying to manage hundreds of employees, a marketing or sales representative trying to land a new client, or even an entry-level errand boy struggling to appease a demanding boss, it’s nearly impossible to succeed without develop effective communication skills. . In fact, effective communication skills are critical to almost all successful business interactions, a fact recognized by the myriad of courses and seminars on offer to teach people how to get their ideas across persuasively and get what they want.
Too often, however, we forget that communication is a two-way street, and that in order to communicate effectively, we must learn not only to be a good speaker, but also to be a good listener. how to speak well, but also how to listen well. how to listen to communicate It is widely recognized that strong communication skills are critical to nearly all successful business interactions, but too often we forget that communication skills encompass not only our ability to convey our ideas effectively, but also our ability to really listen to what others say. they are saying. To be an effective leader, or have successful business or even personal interactions, it is crucial to not just listen to what people are saying, but to truly listen with the intent to learn from the experience.
What is your listening ability? Test yourself by answering the following true/false statements.
T/FI regularly needs to ask people to repeat what they have said. I don’t get it all the first time.
T/F The people closest to me often joke about having to “hit myself with a brick” in order for me to pick up on anything.
T/F Having “misunderstandings” and “miscommunications” with others is part of my daily job.
T/F The people closest to me joke with comments like “you never listen to me” or “it goes in one ear and out the other”.
T/FI can be easily distracted by my surroundings when talking to someone.
T/F Finishing people’s sentences or interrupting to keep the conversation moving is my way of doing business.
T/F I’ve been doing this for so long I don’t really have to listen. I already know what they want/need from me.
T/F Subtleties usually escape me.
T/FI I find myself reading email or checking my blackberry when a conversation starts to drag.
T/FI doesn’t always have to listen. I already know what the person is saying and am just formulating my response.
How many statements were answered “True”? How many “fake”? This self-assessment should be seen as a quick snapshot to help you identify if you’re an ace listener, need a bit of brushing up, or if it’s an area you recognize could use improvement. More “True” statements indicate lower listening ability, while more “False” statements indicate higher listening ability.
Not long ago I was at a dinner where one of the guests was describing his experience meeting President Clinton. She described Clinton as totally focused on meeting with him. She left you feeling like you and him were the only two in the room (filled with hundreds of people). She this was the second person she knew who described the president in this way. He is such a skilled listener that he leaves a strong and positive impression on people (regardless of his political views).
Being a good listener may seem natural to some, but for many of us it’s like trying to write with “the wrong hand.” Conceptually you know how to write, but the act of actually writing with “the wrong hand” is forced and awkward. If you really concentrate, you can probably carve out letters that look like your first grade letter. You can do it, but it’s not as easy as writing with your writing hand. Just like you practiced handwriting and it became a natural skill, even effortless; you can practice listening until it becomes natural and effortless.
The following five exercises are the tools that, over the years, have proven most useful in helping my clients increase their listening skills. These are in no order of importance and some clients may use one or two and others may use all five at one time or another. What was your aptitude for listening? What tools will help you the most?
1. Minimize distractions: Strive to limit the amount of potential distractions when having a conversation with someone. Examples include: stopping whatever you’re working on, putting your phone on silent, closing your email, keeping your back turned so you don’t get the attention of everyone passing by, turning off your monitor, rolling up the window shade, pulling down Radio. If you are at home, this may include turning down or turning off the television. Perhaps you are waiting for a call and someone walks into your office to talk. You can ask if you can set up a time with them so you are not distracted by the incoming phone call.
2. Summarize: Get in the habit of summarizing what you just said. If you heard right, your summary may receive an “exactly.” A summary can start with the following sentences: “What I hear you saying is…” or “Let me make sure I have this…” Summarizing is a great way to clarify something, make sure everyone is on the same page. page and avoid problems due to miscommunication.
3. Practice – As you go about your day, listen to your surroundings. Listen for sounds you don’t normally bother to pay attention to, such as birds in a nearby bush, the click of a cash register at the store, or noises coming from cars surrounding you on the street.
4. Take notes. Putting down the key words or phrases of your conversation on paper can support your listening process. For people who learn most easily by actively participating (kinesthetic) and people who learn by seeing (visual) can benefit from having a pen and paper in hand when starting a conversation. Depending on your level of knowledge of the person, you may want to ask permission to take notes. A general rule of thumb for taking notes is to write just enough to remember the conversation and not so much that it becomes distracting.
5. Focus: Pay attention to the person you are talking to. It will become distracting for the person if they can see that your attention is drifting elsewhere. What they say nonverbally should be just as revealing as what they say verbally. Focus on your posture and facial expressions. Pay attention to the volume, pitch, and speed at which a person speaks. Listen for pauses and silence. Make eye contact with the person. As a general rule, there should be enough eye contact to show that you are interested in the person and the conversation and not so much that it becomes awkward or awkward.
These five exercises can help you strengthen your listening skills. Practice your listening skills like you once practiced calligraphy and master the art of listening. It will be worth the effort; Becoming a truly good listener will impact every interaction you have with other people, benefiting both your professional and personal life.
