Addictive personalities are hell for anyone who has a financial, emotional, or social interaction with them. Whether you are a parent, friend, student, teacher, boss, co-worker, employee, patient, counselor, manager, or partner, having to get involved with an addict can and will drain you mentally, physically, and financially. Growing up among alcoholics, I easily adapted to part of the drinking culture popular in the military and construction industries. It wasn’t until I took a good look around me that I broke away from this kind of lifestyle. I began to notice that the addictive personality didn’t stop at the drink. Drugs, gambling, and compulsive spending were other activities that brought about the same misery. Without going into too much detail about lost fortunes, broken homes, and health problems, I’ll go straight to the source of the problem: the addicts themselves.
It doesn’t take a genius to figure out the role of alcohol and drugs in street crime. Alcohol or drugs can incapacitate a victim or make an offender aggressive or reckless enough to scam, rob, assault, or injure someone. This is not to be confused with the occasional happy hour drinker or recreational drug user. The addict is someone who lives for certain drugs or activities like gambling.
A soft word for incompetence, lying, and stealing, financial abuse is often directed at those the addict despises. Addicts will destroy themselves and drag down anyone nearby. Most of us know a coworker who constantly steals money and favors, but turns nasty to the very people who help them.
I heard a saying in the military: “You can trust him with your life, but not your money or your wife.” I’ve met fellow soldiers who I’ve worked closely with and trusted a lot during training and on the job. But these same guys I couldn’t trust with money or girlfriends. Often it was the boys who drank a lot. They may have been at the top of their courses and performed very highly during the most visible moments, but with alcohol in hand, they were anything but.
FINANCIAL ABUSE
Alcoholics and drug addicts can be very extravagant, especially with other people’s money. A typical example is the guy who always has to borrow twenty dollars because he’s sure to have a “hot date.” The situation can never wait. As a player, your great opportunity to score is now and never later. When you try (and try) to collect, the excuses usually range from problems with your ex, because the payments or so many people owe you money that you can only pay when those “winners” pay. A favorite excuse is “well, _______ owes me twenty, so take it.” Another excuse for not paying is “What? After all the favors I’ve done you? Man, you owe me.”
Marriage, family, and even a top-secret security clearance can mean stability for some people, but it’s not the rule. I remember a military guy with a top-secret security clearance and a family, who was in charge of his training course party fund. At the end of the course, the party fund was empty. Missing.
This is the same with business. The frat brother, army buddy, or teammate is always a big risk if they’re “parties.” He had an ex-army buddy who started an entertainment company. If a week went by where he wasn’t bragging about his extravagant new lifestyle, like $20-a-hole golf games and $200 champagne, I was sure to mark it on my calendar. His company was doing very well, for a while. Then the money ran out, the products stopped selling, and the problems with the securities commission began. The shares were worth pennies, the partners left, and the office closed. Sure, business is tough. But, I should have realized the constant marijuana use, parties, expensive car and domestic problems that happen around that office. Some of these behaviors are simply ignored, until it is too late.
Again, the alcoholic or addict must always show that they are better than someone else. He or she will continually set people up to stifle. Whether it’s hanging up on someone, belittling them in public, or physically intimidating them, they don’t stop.
Here is a typical tactic. The addict will sometimes maneuver a woman into sleeping over at her house. Whether it was keeping her out of it late, spiking her drink, insisting that they had both had too much to drink, etc. Since he didn’t take advantage of her, he gains her trust. Besides, he now feels guilty and ashamed for staying the night. He has technically added points to her own ego by taking her on the first few dates. He now he also he has her within his territory, so to speak. He could even brag about the moral giant that he is. This may sound downright strange, but an addict will deliberately make great displays of his own righteousness. They rant about other alcoholics and insist that they “don’t drink anymore.” They constantly remind people of that “fact.”
One trait I have noticed in heavy drinkers, especially in the military, is their habit of working very hard, or appearing to, for short periods. They usually won’t follow a consistent routine, but tend to slack off and then put on a good display of energy in front of peers or supervisors. I remember a guy in the signal regiment who drank until dawn. A couple of times during our morning run, he’d suddenly run to the front of the pack and then pass out on the grass. I have to admit that he provided entertainment for a boring career.
Alcohol/drug addiction can also reveal itself in superior performance. Addicts will work in any trade, from judges to scientists, but high numbers tend to be in the fields of acting, construction, military, politics (so surprising), and bureaucracies. Once in a position of power, they can wreak havoc on those around them. (Note: Adolf Hitler had a reputation as a heavy user of amphetamines and barbiturates since the 1920s.)
Alcoholics have severe mood swings. Most violent acts occur between binges when addicts experience withdrawal. This means that a sober alcoholic, even a homeless person, can be more violent than when drunk.
Addicts are such good liars because they repress memories of their bad performances and suffer physical “blackouts.” Blackouts can occur while the addict is still fully functional, but his brain will not remember the event. As far as they were concerned, they did nothing wrong. This trait can also make the addict a scapegoat for crime. (One such former heavy drinker and petty criminal, David Milgaard, once passed out in the wrong part of town. Namely, near the area where a nurse had been murdered. Milgaard was found guilty and spent 20 years in jail. before new evidence proved otherwise.)
The simple indicators of addicts are:
· humor changes;
· Financial problems;
· Excessive consumption of tobacco, caffeine and sugar;
· Bad eating habits; and
· Constant excuses for being late or missing work.
Remember, addicts, like social drinkers, do not start out as criminals. Sometimes they can recognize their problem and work to change it. Other times they will do whatever it takes to always keep a supply of alcohol or drugs on hand, no matter the cost to those around them.
For information on alcohol addiction, read the download: Reduce Your Cravings for Alcohol
