The only person you found you could trust just betrayed you. How selfish can someone be? How ungrateful and inconsiderate? These may be some of the recurring thoughts that go through your mind when your partner admits to or is caught doing the unthinkable. However, there are a few things to consider before pointing fingers. There’s one side of the story, then there’s the other, then there’s the ugly truth.
“About 60 percent of men and 40 percent of women will have an affair at some point in a marriage.” says therapist Peggy Vaugn, author of “Monogamy Myth.” It is not uncommon for infidelity to occur in today’s society. With internet dating sites easily accessible, it’s actually more common to cheat or find a partner who does.
However, through research and personal experience, I have found that with real love, real commitment, and honesty, a relationship can be saved from adultery. To get started, you need to ask yourself some key questions and make some tough decisions.
First the questions: The questions will be the same no matter if you are the cheater or the cheater.
Problem 1:
Are you still really in love with this person?
LOVE, NOT lust, falling in love, comfort, economic dependence, dependence on routine… LOVE. Just because they’ve been in your life for 2 years or 60 years doesn’t mean you’re in love with them. It doesn’t matter what the age is, if you’re not happy, you can find someone else. However, if you are absolutely, positively, and unquestionably in love with your man or woman, see question 2.
Problem 2:
Why did your partner cheat on you?
You have to REALLY consider the reality of this question. For example, yes, that bastard husband cheated on his wife… But what if the husband told you that his wife stopped looking at him, commented on his weight, his lack of success, and stopped having sex with him? he completely? Flipside: Yeah, that dirty bitch slept with her poor working husband… but what if I told you that the last time she had an affair was 4 years ago and the last time she saw him for more than 30 minutes was during the food? she made him eat, then he took 6 business calls before going to bed with an iPad on her lap followed by his morning flight to Chicago.
Everyone knows that there is a way to avoid cheating… ask for a divorce, separate… but sometimes infidelity is an OPENING CALL.
Decisions:
Decision 1:
If you’re not in love with this person as we discussed earlier… Break up. Divorce file. Move on!! If you clearly feel miserable with this person you are NOT in love with… WHY ARE YOU WITH THEM? Be selfish, like they were, and make yourself HAPPY. You only have one life and why spend it trying to MAKE a relationship work when there are MILLIONS of options that are WAITING to take care of you! There are no excuses… “we have children, we have a house, we have a dog, we have a car, we have a joint cell plan, we have a gym membership, he/she has my cds…” the list is of the excuses they are just excuses… the The only excuse that allows you to repair your relationship is love. If you are STILL in love… See Decision 2.
Decision 2:
Ok, so once you’ve been cheated on (you’ve been cheated on), you know you love the person who cheated on you (or the one you cheated on), and you want to fix the relationship… You have to do 2 things:
1. You have to be completely honest about how you feel, what happened and with whom. Taking into account that it was not your partner’s relative, you can go to 2.
2. This dilemma in your life that has devastated both of you must be buried. If you want the relationship to move forward, you must absolutely, under NO circumstances, NEVER bring it up again.
Understand that everyone makes mistakes. Everyone has urges and needs that need to be fed. Often after someone has cheated, he feels remorse and realizes that he has committed the ultimate crime of monogamy. With this intense guilt comes understanding. Sometimes there is an epiphany that goes something like this: “I will never do that again, it was not worth it, and I will always try to be everything my spouse wants, to keep it.” They learn one of two things, they don’t deserve you or they need to step up to give you what you deserve.
