Gone is yesterday’s private detective (PI), the lonely lone ranger who single-handedly righted wrongs, leaving the world a better place as he disappeared down those dusty, squalid streets to another case. Don’t get me wrong, the 21st century IP works only part of the time, but he (or she) would be a fool to work that way 24/7, especially with the network of other IPs. , resources and data to draw on (for example, via the Internet).
Let’s start by dusting off some of the outdated cliché myths about yesterday’s IP by reviewing some real-life IP’s favorite annoyances over their fictional counterparts.
The things that annoy real-life IPs the most about fictitious IPs
A group of PIs were asked what misconceptions they would like to correct in the portrayals of PIs in novels, movies, and television. Here are some of their responses:
Stay Lawful. At least 80% of IPs surveyed mentioned this as their top favorite reason. Fictional IPs are often shown doing illegal things when in reality real life IPs are following the law. Because if they don’t, they could lose their business and their license, a risk no IP wants to take. If an IP doesn’t know their legal rights, they know how to look up the statute or have a lawyer friend/client they can call for advice. No IP worth their proverbial salt enters a legally murky situation without knowing exactly what actions are legal. Slips and missteps tarnish an IP’s reputation, which is perhaps their most critical asset because it reflects both their ethics and their skill.
To be prepared. Colombo (the detective from the 1970s TV series of the same name) always went back (and back) to the witness, before he finally popped the zinger question. He never seemed to have a plan to get information all at once. Today’s IP generally gets one chance, and one chance only, to interview a witness. He doesn’t beat around the bush, he has to get to the point. That means being prepared. When an IP first comes into contact with a witness, the IP needs to know the purpose of their questioning, as well as the questions themselves. Sometimes legal investigators (PIs who work for lawyers) come armed with police reports or prior witness statements. For example, sometimes a prior witness statement reveals to the investigator, in the course of the interview, that the witness statement contains inconsistencies; such conflicts in a person’s story indicate that the witness is unreliable.
surveillance fantasies. IPs scoff at the idea that a lone IP can effortlessly perform successful mobile surveillance (i.e., following someone in a vehicle) for hours on end. Mobile stakeouts generally require at least two PIs in two vehicles, and even then the success rate (by one PI’s stats) is 50%. And yet, time and time again one will read about (or see in a movie) an IP that magically follows someone as they weave in and out of traffic, turning, speeding, crossing intersections for an entire day. Try following one of your friends in traffic (especially when you don’t know her destination) and you’ll see how easy it is to lose her car.
Business understanding.Too many IP stories ignore that an IP runs a business that involves negotiating and writing contracts, managing money (and sometimes subordinate IPs), buying/upgrading office equipment, writing reports, etc. First, a PI has a business relationship with their client that includes all the legal ramifications that come with any client situation.
Violence. Real IPs don’t hit people first, even if they’re angry. In fact, they do not engage in violence any more than they engage in robbery or theft. Debate is ongoing within the PI community as to whether to carry guns or other weapons for personal defense.
Make it a whiskey, neat. Not all real-life IPs drink like Phillip Marlowe or Sam Spade, and if they were given a micky or hit with a sap, they’d be ashamed of their lack of planning. Today’s IPs would not risk numbing their senses as this could be used to denigrate them if they had to testify in court about their observations.
This is a good place to also note things that today’s IP would never do. If a writer chooses to have their fictional IP do any of these acts, they’re setting the IP character up to be in a deep you-know-what (although, this might as well be what you, as a writer, want for your PI-better know what is illegal than writing something that is manifestly so and not knowing it, right?).
An IP who wants to keep their job/license/career/reputation will never:
Use these myth busters and guidelines to create real, smart 21st century private investigators that will keep readers turning the pages of your stories.
