Do you have a teenager? Not finding experience, perhaps, simplicity and endless joy?
You’re not alone. Adolescence is a difficult time, during which the adolescent’s main job is to seek his or her own identity separate from that of the parents. The developmental tasks of adolescence are accomplished by the adolescent by going to the extreme before he can revert to the mean. One of the ways to help your adolescent develop this identity is easier said than done: you must allow your adolescent to learn by making his own mistakes.
This is a painful task for most parents, but this is how true independence is achieved. Think about what it means specifically to your child, as I have given you some examples.
An easy way to get started is with housework. Provide a few that begin and end with your teen. First, it develops the property, but second, if it fails, it itself suffers the consequences, which is the structure it desires. Have her wash her own clothes, clean her own room, change her own bedding. It is true that her sheets may end up growing unidentifiable fungus, but she is the one who has to sleep with them.
Let’s say it’s a more communal task: emptying the dishwasher or preparing lunches. You cannot force your teen to do these things; The Ball Is in his field. But if he hasn’t made them, why don’t you wait until he needs you for something, and he will, and then tell him, without malice, that you’ll be happy to please him, as soon as X is taken care of? .
There are certain things your teen will do that will have external consequences and you will not need to intervene at all, so the best thing to do is get ahead. If he refuses to wear a warm coat or boots, if she insists on staying up late at school night, no one will regret it more than your teen if he lets the scenario unfold.
I see many teenagers from religious families in my practice, and parents are obviously concerned about their children’s religious choices, in terms of modesty, prayer, being with the right friends who encourage them spiritually, etc. It is painful to watch your daughter make different selections than the ones you value so much, but you can’t force her to practice as she sees fit. The best advice I have is to lead by example. I found that most girls in religious rebellion are really mad at their parents and express it this way. If prayer time is an unhappy experience, you are teaching that connection with God is unpleasant, no matter what you preach.
And remember this too. You are the father, the brothers are your children. Your daughter shouldn’t need to get married just to take a break from the housework you give her. The girl who overdoes babysitting and household chores may have as much trouble as the daughter who refuses to help at all. By learning from their own mistakes, your little babies move from childhood to adolescence and beyond.
