In my experience, reading people and body language are critical when evaluating an individual. The stress of personal traits, such as lack of confidence, can be exemplified in the behaviors and attitudes of an individual. Even those who seem very confident lack self-confidence on some level. The difference between those who allow it to weaken them and those who don’t is the courage to move forward, despite their fears. Lack of confidence is just one of many ways to express fear.
One way to overcome fear or lack of confidence is to not let it hold you back. Learn to let go of the idea and thoughts of “if something goes wrong”, (and it probably will) or “and if it doesn’t work, I’ll look stupid or seem like I don’t know what I am”. By simply developing the idea in your subconscious that “if something goes wrong, I will find a way to fix it,” you begin to release the fears that have invaded your ability to think positively.
When you resolve within yourself the idea that if something goes wrong or doesn’t go as planned, it simply means that there were parts of the equation that you miscalculated or that you didn’t know part of the process. With this attitude you acquire the knowledge to move forward. An example would be producing a projection of a finish date on a project you’re working on but aren’t familiar with the details. Since you can’t meet the deadline, due to factors you didn’t know or control, you can make adjustments and stay current. Entrepreneurs seem to inherently have this ability or belief within certain areas of their lives.
I have first-hand knowledge of the development of my body language video course. Having never tackled such a project before, I continually set unrealistic deadlines and had to constantly adjust them. I never got discouraged, I knew I was in an area that would require additional learning on my part. Although I know the subject and know it well, the planning, filming, editing, production and marketing required tenacity and the self-confidence that no matter what happened, I or my team would overcome the obstacles.
Also, working from the premise that if there is a problem you can learn from the experience and make the appropriate changes to move forward. Confidence must be intrinsic, it comes from within oneself. As you become more relaxed and less tense and release fear, you begin to develop more self-confidence. With this confidence in yourself, you will develop your ability to do what you normally have to do each day without fear of failure, without fear of consequences, and without fear of unnecessary anxiety.
What I am saying here is stop being afraid to try something new or chase your dreams. Even if you know very little about what is involved, do your homework and do your best. You can always make changes and adjustments as you go. Pay attention and learn from what doesn’t work. Keep this in mind, when you are unable to pursue your dreams due to lack of confidence and fears, you give others control and power over your life. By learning from experience, you are no longer a failure. And of course, with a change in attitude and a willingness to learn from mistakes, you build confidence in other areas of your life as well.
Lack of confidence goes hand in hand with insecurity. It may have roots going back to childhood. It can come from experiences at school or problems from adolescence, as we work our way through puberty. Being fired from a job can even shake or destroy one’s confidence. It can be broken by a divorce, especially after being in a long-term relationship or marriage. Entering the dating scene in your late 30s or 40s, or even older, with only the “leftover tools” you acquired in your teens can cause you to lose your self-confidence. Lacking the skills to deal with workplace politics can have a negative effect on your self-confidence and your financial future.
I have dealt with this for both men and women in all age groups. Lack of confidence in your ability to meet someone new and start fresh can create an enormous amount of stress. This also extends to other areas of your life. The stability of their home life and the routines they have created for themselves gave them the confidence they needed to take on and tackle just about anything that came along. They had the perceived endorsement that it is now no longer a part of their life. Finding ways to rebuild your confidence will certainly help you deal with those build-up events, the usual anticipated life events, as well as the unexpected life events.
One suggestion I recommend in an effort to start building your self-esteem and self-confidence is to make a list of assets. It is not an asset list of your things and possessions, but an asset list of who you are and who you would like to become. Start with two pieces of card stock. On a board, at the top title “Who I am“, with the other “who am i becomingBe sure to underline headings and write it large enough to be seen from several feet away.
Now begins the list of “Who you are” and “Who you are becoming.” For example, are you nice? If so, write it under “Who am I”, if not, write it under “Who am I becoming”. Are you generous, understanding, happy, positive, confident, do you have self-esteem? Write them under their respective titles. just write the positive of what you are If you are “unhappy”, write “happy” under the heading of what you are becoming. I think you get the idea.
You can also write your achievements under the heading “Who I am”. During the day, as you think about something you are or would like to be, while working or traveling, write it down on a piece of paper and add it to your list of assets when you get home. If you deal with jealousy, write in “Who am I becoming” less jealous. The same goes for feelings of insecurity and inadequacy. Just add to the list “Who am I becoming”, safer and more suitable. It is very important to write only the positive of who you are or what you are becoming.
Hang your list of assets on your bedroom wall, so you can see it first thing when you wake up in the morning, as you get ready for your day, and the last thing you see before you go to sleep. Every day, sit in front of your list of assets for 30 minutes and do a meditation or just sit quietly, where you can think without being disturbed. The meditation I use the most is an undirected meditation. This is where I sit in front of my asset list and look at it. Sometimes I can focus on a particular word or words on the “Who I am” list and other times I am drawn to the “Who I am becoming” list.
Lack of confidence can be overcome simply by reprogramming yourself. It does not have to come from the tranquility of others. It is you who makes the changes and you become the person you want to be and not because of the lack of approval of others and what they think you should achieve in life.
