My eyes have been widened ever since I learned about the “four temperaments”. The impact it had on me and my social anxiety was very noticeable.
People with AS are often worried, even terrified, of what other people think of them and are quite sensitive to the responses and actions of others. However, by learning about the four temperaments, we get a better idea of what’s really going on in the other person’s head.
So what are the “four temperaments”, you ask? It is a theory of psychology that originated from the concept of the “four humors” of 460-370 BC. Basically, there are four personality categories: Sanguine, Melancholic, Choleric, and Phlegmatic. While you will most likely find that you have traits from all four, most people will have significantly more in one or two of the categories.
Here’s a rundown of the four categories, and how understanding this can help you realize that what you’re interpreting isn’t really what the other person may be thinking:
Optimistic
The Sanguine is the extrovert, the talker, the optimist. They are the life of the party, the center of attention and love to talk. They are also known to be forgetful and disorganized at times.
Someone with social anxiety may find this outgoing and carefree personality type intimidating. Optimistic personalities may tend to say things without thinking about them first. What they say is usually not meant to hurt, and some people may not understand how someone can have social anxiety. They can also make fun of things that other people find embarrassing (but Sanguines don’t really see it that way). If he says something offensive, take it with a grain of salt, as he probably didn’t mean it the way you interpreted it.
On the other hand, Sanguines are the best type of people to talk to if you really aren’t much of a talker. They’ll appreciate a good listener and you’ll appreciate not having to say much.
Melancholia
The Melancholic is the introvert, the thinker, the pessimist. They are analytical, perfectionist and, in general, serious people. They can also take things too personally and be overly sensitive.
The brooding personality will often respond negatively to things. If they reject something you say, it may not be as personal as you think. They can often see the worst of things and may not even realize they’ve offended you (being in this category myself, I can certainly attest to that). At times, this personality can become very precise and irritated when it comes to neatness and perfection. If this happens, simply smile knowingly when you realize this is very typical Melancholy behavior.
On the other hand, those with melancholy traits are also passionate, affectionate, and loving. They are quite open minded and many are willing to empathize or discuss deep topics.
Choleric
The choleric is the extrovert, the doer, the optimist. They are born leaders, strong-willed and quick to take action. They can also pressure others and seem bossy at times.
Cholerics can sometimes be the scariest people if you have social anxiety. They will speak harshly, push your views and tell you what to do. However, recognize that most of the time, a choleric is not trying to offend you. That’s just the way they are, and they’re unlikely to know that they’ve offended you and have already moved on and forgotten about it while you focus on it for weeks.
The choleric/sanguine can often be the type to put others down or make fun of them, while smiling and joking about everything. He smiles and humors you because he’s not trying to hurt you and his words are probably much harsher than he’s really thinking. Certain individuals of this personality type also believe that they are the best and work hard to stay that way.
If a choleric compliments you, you know you really must have done something right. Be proud that a choleric recognizes the good you’ve done, because he really means it.
Phlegmatic
The phlegmatic is the introvert, the observer, the pessimist. They are calm, generally calm and prefer to avoid conflict. However, they can be difficult to communicate with at times and are very indecisive.
The phlegmatic is probably the last person you’ll ever have conflicts with, but if you have social anxiety, even these guys can seem intimidating. Phlegmatics tend to hide their emotions and prefer to listen rather than talk, so be careful not to misunderstand this as not wanting to be around you.
They are very forgiving and nice people to hang out with. I’ve always felt much more comfortable talking to a calm phlegmatic (unfortunately, I’m also a phlegmatic, therefore we can never decide anything!).
