Relationship

MOTIVATION AND HOW TO CREATE IT (Good Boss / Bad Boss)

Many of my clients have been complaining of lack of motivation; From not being motivated enough at work, to not being able to diet, quit smoking, or get out of bed in the morning. They want to achieve both positive and negative motivations, positive motivations and motivations to do something; Negative motivations are towards NOT doing something (not smoking, for example).

Almost invariably, the method they have tried before (without success) has been to beat themselves up. This happens through negative self-talk, such as: “Lazy, you’ll never get anywhere”; “you have to do this whether you like it or not”; or “no one will love you until you do.” Sometimes they have tried to bribe or persuade themselves, which works for a while, but fails sooner or later. Sometimes they have gotten someone else to push them, such as a motivational group, hypnosis, a parent, or a foster parent, who will insist that they have to behave.

This third option works quite well for some people for a long time. However, the nature of this persuasion is to dominate the natural process of the client, and the people who come to me come because they have rebelled against the authority of that person or group and find that now they cannot do what they would like to do. because of their rebellion! The truth is, if we believe that someone else is pressuring us, we are not likely to respond cooperatively. Especially when the “aggressive person” is yourself !!!

The fact is, no matter how nasty and angry these people get at themselves, they can’t motivate themselves. Together, my clients and I have had tremendous and verifiable success with these issues, and every client who has worked with me has been motivated, both “negatively motivated” and “positively motivated.” The reason for such success is that creating motivation is easy.

I argue that motivation stems from celebration and appreciation. I like to express it in the form of an equation: celebration + appreciation = motivation.

By this I mean that if you can find a way to appreciate yourself for what you have already accomplished and to celebrate your past successes (and believe them, you CAN find a way), you will find that you are “magically” motivated to achieve more. No fight, no hassle, you do it for the sheer fun of success! To illustrate what I mean, I will describe two possible employers. The “bad boss” and the “good boss”.

The bad boss

-Operates through intimidation and criticism …

-He always complains; never praise (you just know you’re doing fine because the boss doesn’t say anything)

-It gets nasty if you make a mistake

-It humiliates you in front of others

-Never thinks you’ve done enough

– Suppose you are lazy and dishonest.

-Change the rules arbitrarily

-Never satisfied to please

(Get the picture?)

The good boss

-Praise frequently

-It always lets you know when things are going well

-Asks you what you need every time you have made a mistake;

-It is very useful

-It cares as much about your well-being as about your productivity

-Suppose you want to do a good job

-Helps you feel part of the team

-Treats you like a valued human being

-It is clear about the duties that are expected of you.

Both bosses have the same goal: to get the job done. However, there is a big difference in the success of your individual management styles. Think about your likely reaction to the two management styles. The bad boss’s office is characterized by tension and anger. People work only to keep the boss off their back and consequently tease when he / she is not around. They are not efficient, because they are not motivated to achieve anything, simply to avoid the anger of the boss. They are operating in a state of mind that we call “adaptation,” which is focused on keeping someone (usually someone angry or unpleasant) off their back.

They have little loyalty to anything other than their paychecks, and perhaps to each other, as abused prisoners are loyal to each other when confronted by the jailer. Offices that are characterized by inefficiency and disharmony. If this boss requires overtime, he will meet resistance.

If you were working for this boss, how would you feel? Would you happily go to work every day? Would you volunteer for an extra job? Would you look forward to each new assignment? Probably not. In short, you wouldn’t feel very motivated, would you?

On the other hand, the good boss’s employees tend to worry about themselves and their jobs. They are proud of their accomplishments and eager to learn more and achieve more. If the boss is gone, the work is still going on, because people are in a motivational state of mind and are gratified by their sense of accomplishment. When this boss requests overtime, he will be met with a cooperative response.

Again, take a moment and imagine yourself in this situation. How would you feel? Would you be eager to please this boss? Would you expect his reaction to your latest job? Would you be willing to help if more work was needed? Chances are you are excited and motivated, wanting to work every day.

Notice the difference in your energy in the two situations. Which boss would you rather work for? Hopefully, it’s as obvious to you as it is to me. I would prefer the good boss (just the names I have chosen for the two styles have probably made it obvious).

In the daily tasks and situations of our life, we become our own bosses; whether we are aware of it or not. We have the option of choosing what kind of boss we want to be for us. If you decide like most of my clients (and I) have, you will choose to become the good boss yourself. This means that you learn to treat yourself with kindness and understanding, to be very generous with praise and gentle with corrections. You will then achieve your goals with a sense of pride and accomplishment, and with great pleasure. You’ll be motivated and wonder why you never realized how easy it was.

All of this can be accomplished through two “magical motivators”: celebration and appreciation. Most of us know how to appreciate others. However, when it comes to ourselves, we feel embarrassed and uncomfortable if we are too generous with praise.

Years of being told not to brag or be cocky when we were young have taken their toll, and self-esteem comes in uncomfortable. However, if motivation is a desirable trait, self-esteem becomes necessary and desirable as well. The good news is that you can learn it.

If you would like to learn self-esteem and you find it difficult, I recommend practicing in several ways. Many of my customers have found it fun to buy little aluminum foil star stickers (just like in elementary school) and reward themselves for a job well done or any accomplishment they want to celebrate. Sticking the stars on a daily calendar can be very effective. Go ahead, reward yourself a lot!

There are other types of stickers available. One of my clients rewarded herself for being successful in her eating program with little stickers depicting jelly beans, chocolates, and ice cream cones! He received his dessert on praise rather than calories.

In addition, it can be effective to remember childhood holidays and celebrations. One of my clients was told never to make noise because her grandmother was sick. However, he was allowed to play his accordion as hard as he wanted when practicing. To this day, playing her accordion feels like a celebration and an opportunity for her to play. You can also take advantage of special first birthday parties or vacation outings to get ideas. If Mom always cooked a turkey for a big occasion, or set the table with the best china, or served herself a bottle of champagne, those ingredients can indicate celebration and accomplishment.

Crepe paper streamers, banners, candles, balloons, flowers, special clothing (your most elegant shoes, a new hat), gatherings of friends, trophies, diplomas, and awards can all indicate accomplishments worth celebrating. Try using one or two of these items on occasions when you want to build motivation.

If you’re nervous on the first day of the new job, celebrate topping off the day with sparkling apple juice or diet cola served in your best champagne flutes and candles on the table. Put some gold stars on your calendar to complete a difficult task. Buy your little girl a trophy engraved with her name for cleaning her room for a whole month.

There are not too many accolades or celebrations. Is there too much motivation? Of course not, the more the merrier. Fresh flowers on the table just to say how much you appreciate yourself can go a long way to make any day happier. A shoddy new romance novel can be a great reward / celebration for reading the required technical books.

The important point is that celebrating what you have already accomplished will create motivation to accomplish more.

Get creative with your celebrations, have fun. Celebrate a cherished friendship with an impromptu lunchtime picnic and balloon. Above all, have fun. That is the goal!

If you are around someone who takes command and tells you what to do, or comments without being asked how you are doing things wrong, or if he names himself as the boss of your life, you may find your new motivation. loose. Remember to fire them as your boss. It is YOUR life, and you are doing what you are doing because you WANT. You don’t need to give anybody a better reason than yourself.

Once you’ve fired this self-proclaimed boss, you may need to remember how much you’ve accomplished without that kind of help. Celebrate your independence, your spirit, your willingness to be responsible for yourself.

It is also possible to configure informational books, articles, television authorities, gurus, etc. like your boss, in which case, you will again find your motivation faltering. These informational aids can be helpful, but only if you keep them in perspective.

Remember, the boss gets information on how to handle things, gets educated, seeks help when needed, BUT the boss is still in charge. The information is there for your use, but no expert (no, not even a therapist) can tell if the information is right for you.

If you remember who the boss is, then you will use the information wisely and judiciously, rejecting anything that doesn’t suit your style or personality. You will use it to support and promote your goals, and to help celebrate your accomplishments.

Whenever you find your motivation faltering, look around how you are doing as your boss. Do you use a motivational and supportive style? Have you let someone else take over your authority? Do you need any recognition?

Take a few minutes with yourself every day just to say thank you. It’s easy, fun, and very effective. Imagine living each day with energy and motivation !!

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