All ferrets go to heaven

On my fourteenth birthday, I will never forget, I had a pet ferret. I was a little hesitant about the gift, but my dad assured me that ferrets make great gifts. Damn…thanks, I thought. Who wants a stupid ferret? I wanted a dog. Not just any dog, a rotweiler. I guess my father had other plans. So just to be rude, I named the ferret ‘Dookie’, because he had some brown spots on his fur. Within the first couple of hours of playing ‘Dookie’, I realized that ferrets were actually fascinating creatures. And the more I got to know ‘Dookie the Ferret’, the more I began to realize how cool ferrets really were. I grew to love my ferret.

Three years came and went and ‘Dookie’ was right by my side. We’d made it through most of high school, various girlfriends, and all-night study sessions together. He really was one of my best friends. I took great care of my ferret, I made sure to bathe him every day. I cleaned his cage with a special deodorant for ferrets, three times a week. I made sure to fully protect my house from ferrets and give them the proper diet. And because of my ferret care those three years, ‘Dookie’ grew into a strong and intelligent ferret. The special thing about my ferret was the way he found a way to make me laugh, every day. You know that people say that dogs have personalities, and they do. Well, ferrets have their own unique personalities and, to me, they are funny, fun animals.

At the age of 4, my pet ferret had reached the peak of his life. ‘Dookie’ was a fully grown ferret, cunning and quick. But ‘Dookie’ was no match for one of his class’ most feared enemies; a reclining sofa, also known as a ferret crusher. One day after a long soccer practice I let ‘Dookie’ out. I was always pretty confident about where I was going to go. Actually, ‘Dookie’ wandered around the house as if he owned the place. I knew reclining sofas were potentially ferret killers, my family had the sofa before I got it. I see my dad didn’t check the information on his ferret. Anyway, ‘Dookie’ had never, in the four years I’ve had him, gotten up on the couch. The keyword is ‘in’. When my mom sat down on the recliner, the chair folded down and there was a loud howl. She immediately knew what had happened. She didn’t want to believe it at first. Worse yet, she could bear to look under the couch, to make sure that was what had happened to my precious ferret. Half an hour passed and my mother came into my room. I’ll never forget what she said: “All ferrets go to heaven.”

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